Friends or “Friends”?

Dear Debra: Should I accept Facebook “friend” invitations from co-workers I don’t know that well and don’t socialize with? I keep my personal life pretty private. Will I offend if I don’t accept?

There are 3 ways of dealing with this dilemma:

1. Just say no. If you're using Facebook strictly as a tool to stay connected with people in your personal life, then it's a bad idea to include people from your work life. If "friended" by someone at work, simply say, straight up, with a touch of self-deprecating humor, "It's my neurotic little policy to keep work and personal life separate on Facebook—I’m shy that way—but thanks for the invite!" This will take the edge off the rejection, and it’s nicer than saying, “I have enough friends already.”

2. Equivocate. You can accept them as a friend, but put them on "restricted" status, meaning you only allow them to see certain information that you control; they won't be able to get into restricted areas to see photos of, say, you doing keg stands. Go into your account and privacy settings to control which “friends” see what.

3. Do it—with a caveat. If you decide to use Facebook as a social and professional networking tool, follow one simple rule: don't put any photos or information on your site that you wouldn't be comfortable having the whole world seeing. Think hard before revealing that you’re a member of The Baby Seal Killers of America for Gender Equality; you’ll risk alienating colleagues, clients, potential employers or customers, and friends whose beliefs are pro-baby seal. Ask yourself if your sexual orientation is really anybody’s business, other than your real-world friends. On my own page, in the Political Views category, I describe myself as “Optimistic” and my Religious Views as: “My father taught me never to talk publicly about religion or politics.”

 

However you choose to use online social networking sites, consider the consequences of having photos or posts surface years from now when you're being vetted for a job you have stars in your eyes for, or you're running for Congress. It is the height of stupidity (or youthful naiveté, but now you’ve been warned!) to post potentially compromising information, yet people do it all the time. Online networking gives a false sense of security and trust; people forget that they risk sacrificing their privacy. Don’t fall into that trap.

Read more of Debra’s nuts and bolts advice in her book, Ambition Is Not A Dirty Word: A Woman’s Guide to Earning Her Worth and Achieving Her Dreams (Random House/Broadway Books). Email your burning questions to Debra@AmbitionIsNotADirtyWord.com.